Happiness Is a Warm Baby

I asked the social worker for some kind of checklist. Extubation/Breathing Stabilization/Tube Feeding/Nippling, etc. etc.

I ask the nurses the same questions over and over. I can't keep any of it straight. They removed the tape and the ventilator. The ventilator sat covered in plastic when I arrived at the hospital and I felt a little excited seeing it there, unattached to my little boy. They removed a direct line into his umbilical cord from which the nurses draw blood several times a day. Hooray. They disconnected a tube that enters into his mouth and goes directly to his delicate little stomach. They are going to see how he does without it constantly suctioning extra gunk from his gut.

Tomorrow at 1:30 they will try to feed the little dude with my breast milk. My freezer is already jam packed with milk. It's day 8. He's been fed thru a tube in his foot until now. TPN, my Dr. daddy tells me, is a complete nutritional food. It contains all the vitamins and calories he needs to live. There's another bag and another IV for lipids--fats to make him chubby and to smart him up.

So much information, so many people introducing themselves to me. This kid is a rock star. He's reaching his milestones before anyone thinks he should. He's kicking ass. He's breaking free from his tubes. He's the Boss.

I sniffed him while I held him. He does not smell like me and I long to tuck him in my shirt and sleep with him. Sweet, sweet boy. I cannot wait.