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Although it's been only 3 years since I had an infant in our home, I'd forgotten the complicated emotions that seem to be attached to caring for one of these creatures--the inexplicable feelings of lonliness, the hefty weight of responsibility and the certainty of inadequacy. Compound that with the stress and exhaustion of the month before and I was reduced to a functionless heap of tears. I spent a couple of days frozen in fear that something could go wrong with his little body and required several pep talks from friends and family.

I seem to have made it through the dark woods to a clearing and have begun enjoying Desmond and Mahalia loving on Desmond. She pulled her step stool in to watch him in his crib and I overheard her talking to him. I believe the exact words were, "Dezi, you're the sweetest little brother in the whole wide world."

As far as I can tell, life with two kids is a shit load of work, WAY more than thinking you're just adding one and one together. The sum of two children is huge. Perhaps this is why my mother always said that because two children was such a huge change from one, adding three four and five seemed easy.

We do not really fit into the Bug and I've begun thinking about trading in my trusty yellow car for something more family friendly. Two weeks ago it seemed totally implausible but we are starting to get a little bit of a rhythm going.