a patient patient

After being home for about 48 hours, Mr. Desmond ripped his feeding tube out of his nose. Shane and I stared at him for a minute. So, that's how you really look without anything at all coming from your body, eh? We decided not to replace it until we saw the pediatrician the next day.

As soon as we walked into the house, I knew that I would no longer be following the hospital feeding schedule. I knew that it would make me batty. I started breast feeding the little fellow. In terms of eating, he's no Mahalia. He suffers from reflux. In the noisy hospital I couldn't hear the gurgling that his guts make as he swallows. I'm not sure of the physiological causes of the reflux. I'm assuming that the organs developing in the chest cavity affected their normal growth. I wonder how long the reflux will last? Perhaps a notebook for writing questions down is a good idea? I'm starting one now.

There's an amazingly wacky lactation consultant that's a bit of a Brooklyn legend. Freda (pronounce like Fredda) Rosenfeld lives in one of the giant victorian homes in the neighborhood and has lived there for 30 years. She has an amazing Brooklyn accent and belongs to a theater club and was very excited to learn that Shane could get her some tickets to Exit the King. She watched Desmond breast feed and offered advice on exercises to deepen his suck. The woman knows so much about breast feeding that it's borderline creepy. As my sister said on the phone, "most consultants are a little weird." She also said at one point, "I can see in your eyes that you need to poop." She was talking to Dezi not me. She laid him on his back and rubbed a spot in the middle of his foot. He got really quiet and pooped. No lie. Anyhow, I was so happy to meet her and work with her and it gave me confidence that we could work all of this feeding stuff out.

The pediatrician recommended that we lose the tube and see what happens. I'm all for it. We'll be seeing her again on Friday to make sure weight has been gained.

I would be lying if I said that leaving the hospital has been nothing but totally blissful and smooth. Holy crap, bringing a baby home is a rattling experience even under normal circumstances. And here we are after having gone through this long, stressful experience with a new baby and it appears that we forgot to pack the "Desmond Endsley Baby Manual." There have been tears--from me, from Dezi, from MayMay. Shane is my super hero right now, taking good care of all of us and working.

It goes without saying, going from one to two children is insane and it's going to take a minute to find any sort of rhythm. It's the second time during this experience that I've thought to myself, "If I had only known...I would've been a more supportive friend..." Mahalia has been amazing through it all. Tonight when she burst into tears because I couldn't help her right away I had to explain to her that we're all going to have to be really patient with each other. It broke my heart a little. I was saying it out loud for my benefit as much as hers. I look back at old posts (as was suggested by a friend) and realize that we've come so far and that Dezi has come so far and that we will only continue to do so and it calms me down. Thank God for friends, eh?