Feeling better now. Thanks.

The first day in the NICU the NICU Psychologists taped a letter to Desmond's bassinet. The first page was a welcome letter. The second page had quotes from parents describing some of the emotions that a person might experience during their time in the NICU. I remember one of them said, "Having our baby was supposed to be so joyous and it ended up being a nightmare." The third page was a list of helpful tips. I can't find the list now but I remember the first few: Eat, Sleep, Take Breaks. Such basic tips but so easy to forget. I've been thinking about my hardest days since we've been in the hospital, those days when the tears come easily and realized that I'm always my most tired on those days. Usually, I've also put off eating and most certainly have not given myself a break.

Spring is really here now, marked by the opening of the Prospect Park Carousel. A friend looked after Mahalia who reported that she went on an adventure with Anna through the park. I made my way to the hospital while Shane played a matinee. Dezi chugged down 65 ccs which means we're in the home stretch here. I sat on a bench back in Brooklyn eating my favorite ice, Cherry Chip Explosion and letting the sun warm my skin. At the hospital I opened the blind for Dezi to get some sun too. He seemed to like it.

He has a soft personality and will probably have a soft voice and manner like his daddy. During my brief visits with him I've been trying to be extremely present and in the moment, it's a good skill to practice. I sense that he is starting to recognize me. When I hold him against my skin he promptly falls asleep.

I bought him a new and fabulous bouncy seat for his homecoming. Thank you for sending supportive messages. They help and mean the world to me.